Worried about Fido after the rapture? Worry no more

ALSTEAD, N.H. -- Christians who believe they'll vanish from Earth in the rapture can now hire an atheist to care for their pets.

For $110, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets offers a 10-year contract guaranteeing that an atheist will adopt the pet that's left behind by its raptured owner. Additional pets can be covered for $15.

The company's owner, Bart Centre, said his pet rescuers definitely won't be raptured because they've all blasphemed the Holy Spirit in writing, committing what they believe Jesus called the unforgivable sin.

This is not a joke. So my dog or cat will be cared for by those left behind...how about that.

Reminds me of a joke I told in a bible class at church that really didn't hit the intended audience.

The class was discussing the rapture. I said, "have you seen those bumper stickers, 'In case of rapture this car will be unmanned'?"

A few people said, "yes they had", and a few said, "oh that's a good one."
And then I said, "I thought that was terribly irresponsible of them, think of the accidents they might cause."
That joke fell completely flat with not even a chuckle.

Largest US sting on drug cartel arrests 300-plus

OKLAHOMA CITY – In the largest single strike at Mexican drug operations in the U.S., authorities arrested more than 300 people in a sting that demonstrates an upstart cartel's vast reach north of the border.

The tentacles of "La Familia" extend coast to coast and deep into America's heartland, with arrests announced Thursday in 38 cities from Boston to Seattle and from St. Paul, Minn., to Raleigh, N.C.

Drug deals went down in Oklahoma parking lots, suppliers were advised to weld drugs into tire rims for transport, and in the Dallas and Seattle areas, dozens of children were removed from houses where authorities found drugs, guns or cash derived from drug sales.

Perhaps more than any other cartel, La Familia projects a Robin Hood image. The Drug Enforcement Administration said the group is "philosophically opposed to the sale of methamphetamine to Mexicans, and instead supports its export to the United States for consumption by Americans."

Mexican police say the gang uses religion and family morals to recruit. The gang has hung banners in towns saying they do not tolerate drug use, or attacks on women or children.

One of the gang's alleged recruiters, detained last spring, ran drug rehabilitation centers, helping addicts to recover and then forcing them to work for the drug gang or be killed, according to Mexico Public Safety Secretary Genaro Garcia Luna.

Nice guys. Sadly another drug cartel just saw a new market open up, where La Familia once operated.

Soupy Sales, comedian, dead, 83, old age

DETROIT – Soupy Sales, the rubber-faced comedian whose anything-for-a-chuckle career was built on 20,000 pies to the face and 5,000 live TV appearances across a half-century of laughs, has died. He was 83.

Sales died Thursday night at Calvary Hospice in the Bronx, New York, said his former manager and longtime friend, Dave Usher. Sales had many health problems and entered the hospice last week, Usher said.

You younger guys and gals probably are saying, who?

His greatest success came in New York with "The Soupy Sales Show" — an ostensible children's show that had little to do with Captain Kangaroo and other kiddie fare. Sales' manic, improvisational style also attracted an older audience that responded to his envelope-pushing antics.

Sales, who was typically clad in a black sweater and oversized bow-tie, was once suspended for a week after telling his legion of tiny listeners to empty their mothers' purse and mail him all the pieces of green paper bearing pictures of the presidents.

Sales was born Milton Supman on Jan. 8, 1926, in Franklinton, North Carolina, where his was the only Jewish family in town. His parents, owners of a dry-goods store, sold sheets to the Ku Klux Klan. The family later moved to Huntington, West Virginia.

My parents thought he was a pretty funny guy.

Zero to 50 in, in shit fire it'll go FIFTY!

BATH, Maine – The Navy's need for speed is being answered by a pair of warships that have reached freeway speeds during testing at sea.

Independence, a 418-foot warship built in Alabama, boasts a top speed in excess of 45 knots, or about 52 mph, and sustained 44 knots for four hours during builder trials that wrapped up this month off the Gulf Coast. The 378-foot Freedom, a ship built in Wisconsin by a competing defense contractor, has put up similar numbers.

Both versions of the Littoral Combat Ship use powerful diesel engines, as well as gas turbines for extra speed. They use steerable waterjets instead of propellers and rudders and have shallower drafts than conventional warships, letting them zoom close to shore.

The ships, better able to chase down pirates, have been fast-tracked because the Navy wants vessels that can operate in coastal, or littoral, waters. Freedom is due to be deployed next year, two years ahead of schedule.

Zero to 50 in...well at least it will go 50mph. Which by the way is a hauling ASS for a ship that big. I guess a new class of refueling ship will need to be built next. See how that works?

Kinda makes that whole PT Boat project in World War 2 look like a nice effort.

Joseph Wiseman, Dr. No (actor), dead, 91, old age

Joseph Wiseman, an actor who played the sinister scientist and title character of Dr. No in the first James Bond feature film, has died. He was 91.

Wiseman, who had been in declining health, died Monday at his home in Manhattan, his daughter, Martha Graham Wiseman, told The New York Times and Los Angeles Times.

A screen and stage actor, Wiseman's film credits include "Detective Story" (1951) and "The Unforgiven" (1960). He also had guest roles on television shows "Law & Order," "The Streets of San Francisco," "The Twilight Zone" and "The Untouchables," according to The New York Times.

He is likely best known, however, for his villainous role in "Dr. No," the first in a long string of James Bond movies. The 1962 film introduced Sean Connery as James Bond and also starred Ursula Andress.

What a great bad guy. Thank you for your work.

Drunk Guy, Set to Silent Film

Last week a video of a very drunk guy trying to buy beer hit the web.

This week some very creative guys have taken the video and created pure genius.

Drinking was healthy, unhealthy, healthy, unhealthy, healthy, now not so much

(HealthDay News) -- Just about every month -- if not every week -- a new study emerges touting the health benefits to be gained from a daily glass of wine or a pint of dark beer.

The benefits related to cardiovascular health have become well-known. A study released in mid-July, for instance, found that moderate alcohol consumption reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease in women by increasing the amount of "good" cholesterol in the bloodstream and reducing blood sugar levels.

But other studies have linked a daily drink, most often wine, to reduced risk of dementia, bone loss and physical disabilities related to old age. Wine also has been found to increase life expectancy and provide potential protection against some forms of cancer, including esophageal cancer and lymphoma.

But don't invest in that case of Pinot noir just yet.

Experts with the American Cancer Society and the American Heart Association say that though these studies do show some benefits to moderate drinking, the health risks from alcohol consumption far outweigh the potential rewards.

There is always someone out there to kill the party. SO for the record, a little drink is healthy. But walking to the car after you had a drink you could stub your toe, on a crate of the fruit you should have eaten instead, get colon cancer AND DIE!!!! Enjoy.

Considering how I drive... I'm going to keep on having an occasional drink.