Friday, February 13, 2009

Blight Of Bay Ridge

(Over the summer BeehiveHairdresser.com showcased the illegal construction of a new home on a large lot that was completely walling up the windows of the neighboring house. This illegal construction has been going on for years and has roughly 70 complaints and 20 violations on it…this is because they were apparently never approved to build a whole new house or building of any kind.

You see the air conditioning unit in the middle of the wall? They pushed it into the house to complete the wall. There is no way there wouldn't be a death if they did this in the middle states. I hope they pull that jackasses architecture license, and fine the bastard that is building the house so much he has to sell the property to pay the fines. What a effin asshat.

Like rain on your wedding day, It's like a free ride when you've already paid

Orchard Park police are investigating a particularly gruesome killing, the beheading of a woman, after her husband -- an influential member of the local Muslim community -- reported her death to police Thursday.

Police identified the victim as Aasiya Z. Hassan, 37. Detectives have charged her husband, Muzzammil Hassan, 44, with second-degree murder.

Muzzammil Hassan is the founder and chief executive officer of Bridges TV, which he launched in 2004, amid hopes that it would help portray Muslims in a more positive light.

Ummm, dude did you forget to read your mission statement this week?


The Minco Song


This young man performed at our Father Daughter Dinner last night. He did some stand up and was very funny. He's the son of a beekeeper from Minco, Oklahoma. In the last shot, that is his grandmother who is wondering when he will play the guitar again.
Enjoy.

Valentine's Day

I-Mockery.com's Valentine's Day Cards sites offer a funny look at the silliness of the "Love Holiday" each year. Every year there is at least one I chuckle out loud at. Enjoy. Send some to the ones you love.
(Site is slow to load so be patient.)

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
So what does one do to woo their loved ones on February 14th?
There are a million options, most of them we don't have the chutzpah, cojones, street-cred to pull off. Well never fear it's not too late. You have all day today and tonight to shop for that "perfect gift".

Teddy Bears
Vermont Teddy Bear company probably does 90% of their business in the week before February 14th.
Listen to those women and their psuedo-sexual reference to the bear...yeah that'll work for ya buddy.


Pajamas
You could also still get a Pajama Gram to her.
Pro tip: If your significant other is "of a certain age" she is starting to get hot flashes, she won't wear pajamas in the American southern climates no matter how cold you keep the bedroom at night. Good luck with that.
(sorry about the crappy quality, it's all I could find on the interwebs)


Candy
Nothing says "I love you" more than 40,000 calories of confections in a heart shaped box.
Candy is the quickest cop-out on Valentine's Day. Everyone loves chocolate. Everyone but diabetics, that is. Well they love it too, but it doesn't love them back the same way. While I was at the corner Walgreens (not that corner, the one across from that one) I saw a huge box of Sugar Free chocolates. Yum! Yeah, no.

Get your significant other a nice card, their favorite candy bar, and their favorite movie and watch it with them. If your significant other is anything like mine, all she wants is something sweet and a couple hours of quality time with you. You don't have to try to impress them, you did that when you made your commitment to have that relationship with them. Once every couple of years you need to pull out the stops and get them something unexpected. But trying every year to get them something better than last year will only lead to failure.

Here's to Valentine's Day. Have fun everyone.

Scientists flabbergasted by speedy birds


WASHINGTON – Little songbirds cover more than 300 miles a day on their annual migrations, flabbergasting researchers who expected a much slower flight. For the first time, scientists were able to outfit tiny birds with geolocators and track their travel between North America and the tropics, something only done previously with large birds such as geese.

This is a conversation over heard between the little birds:
Purple Martin: What the hell man?
Martin de Purple: I know, but I can't keep up with this damn geo-locator strapped to my back.
Purple Martin: Well, we are gonna try to get 400 miles tomorrow try to keep up.
We told you not to go into that funny looking bird feeder.
Martin de Purple: But the seed looked soooooo goood.

Aaargh matey, we've been pwned


ABOARD THE USNS LEWIS AND CLARK – U.S. Navy and Russian warships arrested 26 suspected Somali pirates this week, while a maritime watchdog warned on Friday that pirates are stepping up attacks as weather improves in the waters off East Africa.

The latest arrests came Thursday, when an American helicopter from the USS Vella Gulf fired warning shots at gunmen in two skiffs that had opened fire and tried to board the Indian-flagged vessel Premdivya.

Nice work men.
хорошую работу мужчин.

Way to kick some pirate ass.
способ удар некоторых пиратских осла.

Woman's record-length fingernails broken in crash


SALT LAKE CITY – A Utah woman listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her long fingernails has lost them in a car crash. Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City sustained serious but non-life-threatening injuries in the accident Tuesday.

Before the accident:
How did she use utensils to eat?

How did she do any kind of house work?
You know she didn't type, so no computer use.
How did she...you know...umm you know "take care of business"?

I bet she's got some serious twisted stuff going on in that head of hers.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cell Phone Ban Brings in Cash for Sheriff's Office


The signs greet visitors as they walk up the steps to the Virginia Beach courthouse: Cell phones are not permitted in the building.

Still, hundreds of people show up each week with the devices in their pockets or purses. And rather than take them back to their vehicles, many have collectively shelled out thousands of dollars, in quarters, to the city's sheriff's office for a roughly 3-inch by 5-inch locker just inside the building's entrances.


Cha-Ching! I wonder what will be next.

You are not allowed to carry a coat into the courthouse, but we have conveniently provided you a coat check for just a dollar a coat. Oh and we do not allow anyone to speak unless they have purchased a talking permit for a small fee of 2$ per hour.

Baby Hopkins II: Electric Boogaloo


Well as many of you know I am going to be a grandpa x2. Yes I know, I'm too young, blah, blah, blah. But the fact is...I'm old, there I said it. So as we patiently await the September delivery the kids have been on lock down with the sex and potential baby names. This is fine by me as I like surprises, but it has been hard on my wife as she does not like surprises.


Someday the current Hopkins children will be asked, "Grandma, what was it like to live during the depression?" To wit they will probably respond, "I only owned one Tickle Me Elmo and I had to play with it in the safe room while we waited out the tornados. We couldn't control the weather back then like we can today. Now shut up and eat your protein flakes, we didn't have protein flakes when I was a kid. We had to actually cook our food before we ate it." Then they will get in their flying cars and go to the mall.

Well, I'm sure that's what my grand parents thought about how I would be living my life in this modern era.

I think I got some dust in my eye



If you aren't 35 or older you probably don't understand why this is a big deal. But, trust me it is.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I'll bet you this £15k watch you can't do it...


David Bentley’s agent bets his client his own £15k watch - what sort of a flash twat do you have to be to wear a watch that costs more than a family car? - that he can’t kick a ball from the roof of Red Bull’s London HQ into a rubbish skip far, far below.

Enjoy.
That's why they call it the beautiful game.

Public Threat #1

Man arrested with rifle said he had delivery for Obama.
Police arrested a man near the U.S. Capitol on Tuesday after he drove up to one of the building's barricades with a rifle in his vehicle and told officers that he had a delivery for President Obama, a Senate spokesman said.

Sgt. Kimberly Schneider identified the man as Alfred Brock, 64, of Winnfield, Louisiana. She said Brock was charged with possession of an unregistered firearm and unregistered ammunition.

Brock drove up to the north barricade at the Capitol late Tuesday afternoon, saying he had a delivery for the president, Schneider said.

After further questioning, he admitted he had a rifle in his truck. He was arrested and taken to police headquarters for processing, she said...

Well, we all knew it was going to happen, and we knew it was going to be some old redneck from the south...Glad they caught him.

Octuplets' mom: No one can care for 14 kids alone

NEW YORK – The mother of octuplets born in California last month says she's "not living off taxpayer money," but that she has been receiving about $490 worth of food stamps.

Nadya Suleman told NBC's "Today" in an interview broadcast Wednesday that her family receives no cash from the government and that the food stamps she's been receiving for 18 months are "not affiliated with welfare."

She's not living off the taxpayer's money YET.
No shit? Seriously?
If this wasn't a money grab or some kind of effin mental illness what could possibly be the reason you would conceive 8 MORE children? And don't try to lay that, "I love my children" crap on us. This was the most irresponsible act in the 21st century. Even more irresponsible than blowing 789 billion to bail out the economy. In her interview she tried to say she would take care of the children when she finished school. Ummm, so basically she's an idiot. When will she have time to finish school? Let alone WORK while she cares for 14 children?

Fry his ass

WASHINGTON – The owner of a peanut company refused to testify to Congress on Wednesday amid the disclosure that he urged his workers to ship bacteria-tainted products, pleading with employees to at least "turn the raw peanuts on the floor into money."

Stewart Parnell, owner of Peanut Corp. of America, repeatedly invoked his right not to incriminate himself before the House subcommittee holding a hearing on a national salmonella outbreak blamed on his company. The outbreak has sickened some 600 people, may be linked to nine deaths — the latest in Ohio — and has led to one of the largest product recalls, with more than 1,800 pulled.

Having been one of the people his company poisoned I hope they throw him in PMITA prison.

I am Superman..err wait a minute

So Darko Milicic ripped his jersey in half because he got benched after a technical foul...what a bust, I'm so glad he got picked with the second pick of the draft so that we were able to snag Melo.
Even though it's a temper tantrum, that's pretty impressive to rip an NBA jersey in half. I think someone needs to test that guy for roids.
Video Goodness:

Chuckie Cheese takes it on the chin



Lone Grove wasn't so lucky.
ARDMORE — Eight people are confirmed dead in Carter County but the tornado's death toll could rise, according to Carter County Sheriff Ken Grace. Sheriff Grace said Tuesday evening there were 15 people who may have died but that was not confirmed.

Some facts about Oklahoma tornadoes
The Woodward tornado killed three of my mom's cousins in 1947.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oklahoma City braces for second round of storms


While residents and emergency responders rush to areas affected by tornadoes and sever thunderstorms this afternoon, the strong to severe thunderstorms are expected to continue across the area this evening.

Get some!
More storm coverage. Not to exajerate too much but the people on Channel 4 reported SOFTBALL size hail in Yukon. It was probably baseball size, but wouldn't want to be out done by the competition, who reported baseball size just a few minutes before they did.

No I didn't hit it big, stop asking


A Powerball winning lottery ticket worth $200,000 was sold at a Homeland store in Norman.

First I never play the multiplier. Second I don't have any active tickets right now. I skipped this week. Those aren't my numbers either.

Tornados hate Chucky Cheese

My wife called to say that a tornado hit the Chucky Cheese on the Northwest Expressway in Oklahoma City. We were told Yukon had also been hit and 15th and May in Edmond.

So this will be the start of the best season in Oklahoma, Tornado Season. This is early for the season to open and we can now expect 24 hour, round the clock, coverage of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but radar images and blurry images from storm trackers. AWESOME! I hope there are some good movies on Encore Westerns tonight.

While looking for info I ran across this awesome technology. It is apparently Val Castor's dashcam! He's been driving all over OKC this afternoon.

Watch and enjoy.

Did you know?

Cookie Monster: Jim Henson drew some monsters eating various snacks for a General Foods commercial in 1966. The commercial was never used, but Henson recycled one of the monsters (the "Wheel-Stealer") for an IBM training video in 1967 and again for a Fritos commercial in 1969. By that time, he had started working on Sesame Street and decided this monster would have a home there.

Kermit was "born" in 1955 and first showed up on "Sam and Friends," a five-minute puppet show by Jim Henson. The first Kermit was made out of Henson's mom's coat and some ping pong balls. At the time, he was more lizard-like than frog-like. By the time he showed up on Sesame Street in 1969, though, he had made the transition to frog. There are rumors that he got the name Kermit from a childhood friend of Henson's or a puppeteer from the early days of the Muppets, but Henson always refuted both of those rumors.

Real Swedish Chef Lars "Kuprik" Bäckman claims he was the inspiration for the Swedish Chef. He was on "Good Morning America," he says, and caught Jim Henson's eye. Henson supposedly bought the rights to the show's recording and created the Swedish Chef (who DOES have a real name, but it's not understandable). One of the Muppet writers, Jerry Juhl, says that in all of the years of working with Jim Henson on the Swedish Chef, he never heard that the character was based on a real person.

Wow, really kewl article, more muppets trivia by clicking the image. Didn't know that about the muppets. Now store that info in your noggin for that useless trivia question that might win you a game of trivial pursuit or some radio show contest. Apparently Miss Piggy is from Iowa too... The article lists 20 muppets and their history, go read.

Why should we feel bad?

Bad economy forcing immigrants to reconsider U.S.:

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Pedro Pablo slowly folds up his American flag blanket and stuffs it in his duffel bag. With it goes his American dream.

Pedro Pablo, an illegal immigrant from Guatemala, headed home recently due to the bad U.S. economy.

"I left my family and lost four years with them. I will ask them to forgive me," he said.

Pablo is an illegal immigrant from Guatemala who came to the United States to support his wife and five sons back home. When he arrived, construction jobs were plentiful. Over the last year, he says, he's worked three days.

He recently boarded a bus with a one-way ticket home, paid for by the Guatemalan consulate in Los Angeles. "I thought I could get ahead here. I regret coming."

Across the United States, tens of thousands of immigrants -- those here legally and illegally -- are facing a similar dilemma: Do they continue to search for jobs in a struggling U.S. economy or return home to an even bleaker economic situation?

"Things are very dire, and I think it's impacting those at the very bottom even more so," said Abel Valenzuela, a professor at the University of California-Los Angeles who has spent years studying day laborers.

Why is this a problem and why should we care? YOU ARE HERE ILLEGALLY!!!
You know how many millions of dollars we will save with these guys going home. Seriously why do we need to feel bad for these guys. I don't feel one ounce of sorrow for their problems. Them leaving will give more jobs to Americans and save millions on the free health care and other governmental services these immigrants leach off of every year.

God Bless America




NEW YORK – The world knows a lot more about Bar Refaeli today than it did yesterday, including where her tiny tan line falls.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit unveiled the 23-year-old Israeli, who has been romantically linked to Leonardo DiCaprio, as a first-time cover girl on Tuesday.

I can't wait to see the hotties, NBA coverage, articles, yeah.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Funniest unintentional ad placement of the day

Sometimes the ad generator writes the funny bits for you.

Just stop it


What is the fascination with portraying political figures with a saint's halo?
Just stop it. It's annoying.

Instead of stimulus, do nothing – seriously


By Robert Higgs
He is senior fellow in political economy for The Independent Institute, editor of The Independent Review, and author of "Depression, War, and Cold War."

Oakland, Calif. – As we wait to see how the politicians in Washington will alter the stimulus package the Obama administration is pushing, many questions are being raised about the measure's contents and efficacy. Should it include money for the National Endowment for the Arts, Amtrak, and child care? Is it big enough to get the economy moving again? Does it spend money fast enough? Hardly anyone, however, is asking the most important question: Should the federal government be doing any of this?

Federal intervention rests on the presumption that officials know how to manage the economy and will use this knowledge effectively. This presumption always had a shaky foundation, and we have recently witnessed even more compelling evidence that the government simply does not know what it's doing. The big bailout bill enacted last October; the Federal Reserve's massive, frantic lending for many different purposes; and now the huge stimulus package all look like wild flailing – doing something mainly for the sake of being seen to be doing something – and, of course, enriching politically connected interests in the process.

But sadly this is not the course Congress is taking.

Grammys show Plant, Krauss a whole lotta love


The unlikely pairing of Robert Plant and Alison Krauss that produced the hit album "Raising Sand" won five Grammys on Sunday including album of the year.

"I'm bewildered," said Plant. "In the old days we would have called this selling out, but I think it's a good way to spend a Sunday."

Krauss is the most decorated female artist in Grammy history with 26 awards.

Led Zeppelin, which was given a lifetime achievement Grammy in 2005, was never otherwise honored by the Recording Academy.

I could name three or four performances that didn't sniff a Grammy. Here's two that come to mind immediately.

Album of the Year 1977
Meatloaf: Bat Out of Hell
Not even nominated. Winner that year: Eagles, Hotel California



Spoken Word Category
Lonesome Dove
By Larry McMurtry
1986 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction
Grammy for 1987 for Spoken Word went to: Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days
Narrated by Lee Horsley

Marijuana may raise testicular cancer risk: study


WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Marijuana use may increase the risk of developing testicular cancer, in particular a more aggressive form of the disease, according to a U.S. study published on Monday.

The study of 369 Seattle-area men ages 18 to 44 with testicular cancer and 979 men in the same age bracket without the disease found that current marijuana users were 70 percent more likely to develop it compared to nonusers.

How about that? It is supposed to help with glaucoma but you get some awesome testicular cancer. That's a tough call, blind or ball-less.