Friday, November 28, 2008

Daily Dumbass


Terribly Painful Ramp Stunt Failure - Watch more free videos

Thanksgiving Bonus: How not to deep fry a turkey:
Remember to thaw your turkey, and don't overfill the oil.

Good news, bad news


Good news, you are the oldest person in the world.
Bad news, you don't get to hold the crown very long.


SHELBYVILLE, Ind. — Edna Parker, who became the world's oldest person more than a year ago, has died at age 115.

UCLA gerontologist Dr. Stephen Coles said Parker's great-nephew notified him that Parker died Wednesday at a nursing home in Shelbyville. She was 115 years, 220 days old, said Robert Young, a senior consultant for gerontology for Guinness World Records.

Coles maintains a list of the world's oldest people and said Parker was the 14th oldest validated supercentenarian in history. Maria de Jesus of Portugal, who was born Sept. 10, 1893, is now the world's oldest living person, according to the Gerontology Research Group.

Women apparently couldn't care less when their men have the flu


THEY have been lampooned for suffering from “man flu” at the merest hint of a sniffle.

But the nation’s men in fact appear to get very little TLC when they fall ill.

A wife’s sympathy for a partner with a cold lasts just five minutes, according to new research.

Most wives and girlfriends are happy to admit they are more cold hearted than cold curing. But when it is women who are suffering, men will not only mop their brow but will even take a day off to look after them, the study found.

So I thought it was only my wife who basically has a policy which denies me medical care when I am ill. It's everyone's wife, how disturbing refreshing.

Twitter and the Mumbai attacks


(CNN) -- The minute news broke of the terrorist attacks on Mumbai, India, social media sites like Twitter were inundated with a huge volume of messages.

With more than 6 million members worldwide, an estimated 80 messages, or "tweets," were being sent to Twitter.com via SMS every five seconds, providing eyewitness accounts and updates.

Many Twitter users also sent pleas for blood donors to make their way to specific hospitals in Mumbai where doctors were faced with low stocks and rising casualties.

Others sent information about helplines and contact numbers for those who had friends and relatives caught up in the attacks. Tweeters were also mobilized to help with transcribing a list of the dead and injured from hospitals, which were quickly posted online.

This is pretty interesting. I have twitter, but it would not be my first method for getting any word out.

Get ready for your reporters to be reporting via Twitter.

Bwahahaha!


A cardboard figure of a person inside a Somerset County bank kept police at bay for 90 minutes tonight, authorities said.

Police responded to the bank when an alarm went off about 8:40 p.m.

When officers arrived, they saw what they thought was at least one person through the windows of the bank, which had its blinds drawn, according to authorities.

That musta've been a pretty scary piece of card board. I can imagine then that if I left a car board picture of me looking menacing that they would call out the National Guard, you know cause I served in the Marines, 25 years ago.

Don't laugh, reputation is everything. I'm pretty scary, just ask my wife.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

My sister-in-law's husband, John, is a very funny guy. In a Facebook chat with another friend of mine, Mike, John lays Thanksgiving out for everyone in the comments on Mike's "status".

Michael Segroves is thankful the power came back on so I can cook my turkey, because is would have been a Thanksgiving disaster if I was in jail for assaulting an OG&E worker.
about an hour ago
Brian Shea at 7:29am November 27
I bet you can still pull both of those off though.

Michael Segroves at 7:38am November 27
It's early, and I got family coming over. We could have another Famous Segroves Thanksgivng Meltdown

John Helton at 8:00am November 27
Helton’s definition of Thanksgiving.

A time for the functional side of the family to acknowledge that there is a dysfunctional side and they will show up to crash Turkey Day.

Helton’s definition of awakening

You wake up one morning and realize you are Cousin Eddie.

Have a great Thanksgiving Mike, I will be in Edmond at 10 to pick up my niece from Oklahoma Christian. Do you mind if Cousin Eddie drops by for brunch?

Michael Segroves at 8:03am November 27
Of course you can come by

John Helton at 8:37am November 27
Maybe another day, we have to be at Eric and Janie's at 4 and we still have stuff to cook.

Truer words were never spoken. Here's to all of my readers this Thanksgiving day.

Here's to each of you on the functional side. Thank you for working so hard to keep the world as close the Eisenhower 1956 ideal of the family holiday. It's damn hard work.

And here's to each of you on the dysfunctional side. Thank you for traveling all those miles to reconfirm to the functional side that the Fifties are over and it's okay to be different.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Drink Up!!! Beer is good for you! Praise the Lord!


Wine snags a lot of credit for its heart-healthy effects; truth is, moderate consumption of beer provides the same benefits.

Research suggests that it's the alcohol itself that lowers cardiovascular risk (by reducing inflammation, "thinning" the blood and improving insulin sensitivity). Here are six more reasons to cheer for beer!
  • reduce hot flashes in menopausal women
  • may thwart the growth of prostate cancer
  • help to soothe chronic inflammation that is the result of an immune system in overdrive
  • higher bone-mineral densities than nondrinkers
  • contains some B vitamins
  • contains antioxidants
You can read the short article and get the T's crossed and I's dotted on planning your healthy new lifestyle drinking beer! Who ever said scientist weren't cool? Thank the deities for nerds!

That's a good thing to know..kthxbye


ATLANTA – You've heard about the chicken that crossed the road. But have you heard the one about the chickens traveling down the road? It's no laughing matter. Crates of chickens being trucked along the highway in the back of an open truck can shoot a bunch of nasty bacteria into the cars behind them, researchers have found.

Drivers stuck behind such a truck should "pass them quickly," advised study co-author Ana Rule, a researcher at Johns Hopkins University.

So basically it's the same rule as the cattle haulers. Violently brutal to the olfactory system and now you know it could be violently brutal to the rest of your systems as well.

Dr. Keith Klugman, an Emory University epidemiologist who was not involved in the research, said getting sick that way is unlikely. Most healthy people don't suffer serious illness from these bacteria even when exposed in more conventional ways.

So it seems that you will get this bacteria on you anyway so there's nothing to worry about after all. In any event it's a good reason to stomp on the accelerator and enjoy the brief g-force change that cause your heart to race. Well that is unless you are in a hybrid car.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Burn'em with acid, then hang'em


KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — A 23-year-old teacher burned in an acid attack on 15 schoolgirls and instructors wants the Afghan government to throw acid on her attackers and then hang them. Kandahar's governor said Tuesday that authorities had arrested 10 alleged Taliban militants for the Nov. 12 attack in this southern city and that several confessed to taking part.

I like the way she thinks. Burn them with acid, THEN hang them. She will go far in this world. It's a brave thing she does teaching girls in a country where the Islamic Fascist would rather women obtained no education. Remember these guys claim to be the religion of peace. Sadly the people who really REPRESENT the peaceful religion of Islam are not powerful enough to take their religion away from the fascists.

It's good to be the king

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush has granted pardons to 14 individuals and commuted the prison sentences of two others convicted of misdeeds ranging from drug offenses to tax evasion, from wildlife violations to bank embezzlement, The Associated Press learned Monday.

Probably the most controversial of Presidential powers. How would you like to be in on the BS session where people pitch why these people should be pardoned?

I'm not judging anyone. But I can tell you a court found them guilty. There should be something to that. But I guess if the judges can legislate from the bench, the president can judge from the executive.

You should have thought of that first


DETROIT – After being skewered by Congress and lampooned on NBC's "Saturday Night Live," the CEOs of Detroit's three automakers may end up making their return trip to Washington by car as they seek a federal bailout.

The Detroit area's auto industry, whose livelihood depends on the health of Chrysler LLC, Ford Motor Co. and General Motors Corp. spent the weekend e-mailing and discussing how to set up a giant car caravan to seek help from Congress.

The carpool idea came out of meetings on Friday at Dura Automotive Systems Inc., an auto parts maker in suburban Rochester Hills. President and CEO Tim Leuliette said that during the weekend they contacted the automakers, suppliers, dealership groups and the United Auto Workers and the movement began building.

Hey here's an idea...how about you have your drivers drive you to Washington DC in your stretch SUV limos? At least you won't be flying in your private corporate jets.

And here's another tip bring a plan to use the bail out money to save your poorly run behemoths. Don't just show up in Washington with your hand out. Here's another tip: when you guys are picking up the car poolers someone needs to forget to pick up the UAW guy. Adios big three.

Yeah they already pulled the video from YouTube. You can find it here. While it lasts.

You're gonna need that later

A member of the Salt Lake County SWAT team left a loaded M4 rifle near the scene of a standoff Friday in White City, Utah. The Tribune says a "veteran" member of the tactical unit forgot his or her weapon in someone's front yard.

A jogger found it...I wonder what would have happened if a 12 year old had found it? Here's a helpful tip...equipment check. On the vehicle, off the vehicle AND back on the vehicle. Nice police work there Lou.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Need a job? Move where there are plenty


Job seekers with no ties to any particular location often seek jobs in big cities like New York, Chicago, Illinois, Los Angeles, California, or San Francisco, California.

But are these the places where they're most likely to find a job?

Despite these startling figures, there are several cities with low unemployment rates and sizeable job growth. Here are 25 cities with the lowest unemployment rates and the job growth they're experiencing, according to the BLS.

Let's review the cities.
1. Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Cold, with a capital C.
2. Rapid City, South Dakota, Cold, with a capital C.
3. Idaho Falls, Idaho, Cold, with a lower case c.
4. Bismarck, North Dakota, Colder than the first three.
5. Houma, Louisiana, Houma in Mobilian means Red. As in redneck.
6. Morgantown, West Virginia, It's WEST Virginia good news here is it's only 2 hours from civilization if you want to leave.
7. Logan, Utah, they don't call them the Rocky Mountain Taliban for nothing.
8. Fargo, North Dakota, Good movie, lousy weather.
9. Casper, Wyoming, I hear it's nice here.
10. Billings, Montana, I know it's nice here.
11. Ames, Iowa, Iowa....nuf said.
12. Lafayette, Louisiana, see Houma.
13. Midland, Texas, if it smells anything like Amarillo just say no.
14. Iowa City, Iowa, Iowa...
15. Lincoln, Nebraska, How many people really want a job driving a GPS guided combine 14 hours a day?
16. Portsmouth, New Hampshire, never been there I think its cold.
17. Great Falls, Montana, nice town.
18. Charlestown, West Virginia, See Morgantown above.
19. Des Moines, Iowa, If your state is on this list three times people must be seriously bailing out.
20. Missoula, Montana, I actually LIKED this town enough to consider moving there. So no dissing allowed.
21. Salt Lake City, Utah, Seriously it's Utah.
22. Provo, Utah, again....Utah.
23. Odessa, Texas, More of the same check the smell.
24. Pocatello, Idaho, Way up there. You can see Canada from your house!
25. Sioux City, Iowa, Congrats Iowa made it on the list 4 times. In their defense I hear they have great schools.

Did you know?


Did you know there are always an odd number of Smarties in each package?

Meet Obama's fun squad


CHICAGO – With the economy in crisis, President-elect Barack Obama pledged Monday to honor the commitments the outgoing Bush administration has made to rescue financial markets and urged the new, incoming Congress to pass a major stimulus package "right away" to restore growth and create jobs.

The president-elect introduced the top economic advisers for his new administration, beginning with New York Federal Reserve President Tim Geithner to be his treasury secretary. Geithner, 47, is a veteran of financial crises at home and overseas and has worked closely with the Bush administration in recent months.

Obama chose Lawrence Summers as director of his National Economic Council. Summers was treasury secretary under former President Bill Clinton.

Obama said his newly minted economic team offered "sound judgment and fresh thinking" at a time of economic peril.

You mean to tell me they count financial crises at home in there consideration for the job? Sweet, I should have applied I've been screwing up my finances at home since I was an adult.

Could those guys at least smile? They look like they are been kept from surfing their Facebook pages or something.