Friday, September 19, 2008

Hard economic times hits the High End Girlfriend Index


The Dow Jones industrial average rebounded a bit Tuesday, but the true index for measuring hard times - the High End Girlfriend Index - was off the charts.

The HEGI is charted by Edward Hayes, a noted lawyer who started as a Bronx homicide prosecutor but has become the go-to guy among the city's moneyed classes when promises are broken.

"The last overhead to go is a really high-end girlfriend," Hayes says. "If you're a short, ugly 40-year-old guy and you're throwing over a high-quality girlfriend, you're desperate."

Now you know. It's official, hard times are ahead.

Queue up the song, Italian Leather Sofa by the artist CAKE.
She doesn't care
Whether or not he's an island.
She doesn't care,
Just as long as his ship's coming in.
She doesn't care
Whether or not he's an island.
If they laugh, they make money.
He's got a gold watch.
She's got a silk dress

Teen fought abduction with texts, crash


LEADINGTON, Mo. | Police are still searching for a suspect after a 300-pound football player said he was abducted at gunpoint and forced to drive more than 200 miles before intentionally crashing his truck to get away.

The eastern Missouri town of Leadington was still buzzing about the bizarre case on Thursday, three days after 17-year-old Kory Wakefield told police he was abducted. No arrests have been made.

The incident began at 7:21 a.m. Monday, moments after Wakefield, who plays football at Central High School, walked out of his house to head for school. Suddenly, a man walked up, pulled out a gun and demanded that Wakefield drive him to Columbia, Wakefield told authorities. The man later changed the destination to Kirksville.

Just goes to show you 5'5" with a .45 trumps 300 pound lineman EVERY TIME.

'Beauty and brains CAN go together'


A sexy Russian Grandmaster and model has been crowned Queen of Chess after winning the world chess championship.

Combining beauty and brains, glamorous 23-year-old Alexandra Kosteniuk overcame her baby's premature birth early last year, to win the diamond-studded crown at the Championships held in Russia.

The sultry chess prodigy, whose motto is "beauty and intelligence can go together" has worked as a swimsuit and catwalk model to raise the profile of the sport.

Yeah, she's smart, she's pretty hot, but...can she cook?

Aaar, It be, Talk Like a Pirate Day

Avast! Hoist the Jolly Roger! Polish your pegleg!

Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, a day when the land-lubbin' laws o' grammar are banished to Davy Jones' Locker, and the syntax of the seas rules all.

Hehehe, he said polish your pegleg.

I say, haul up the main sail and lets get to pilaging!!! AAAArrrrrr.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Thank You Dumbasses


As we learn this morning via Julie Satow of the NY Sun, special exemptions from the SEC are in large part responsible for the huge build up in financial sector leverage over the past 4 years -- as well as the massive current unwind.
Satow interviews the above quoted former SEC director, and he spits out the blunt truth: The current excess leverage now unwinding was the result of a purposeful SEC exemption given to five firms.
Who were the five that received this special exemption? You won't be surprised to learn that they were Goldman, Merrill, Lehman, Bear Stearns, and Morgan Stanley.
So while the SEC runs around reinstating short selling rules, and clueless pension fund managers mindlessly point to the wrong issue, we learn that it was the SEC who was in large part responsible for the reckless leverage that led to the current crisis.
Three of the five are now defunct.
Nice work dipshits, way to look out for the common man.

Let's review the 7 Deadly Sins real quickly....
Lust, Gluttony, GREED, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride.
Good deal, I thought possibly, for a moment there, GREED had been removed from the list and replaced with some other minor sin like, murder or theft.
But there it is.
I didn't see any news out of the Vatican rescinding GREED recently so I was just wondering what was going on.
But it seems it's just good old fashioned failure of the people trusted to take care of these things and a bunch of GREEDY bastards.

Enjoy your eternal reward asshats.

Gosh DD, what's up with the vitriolic remarks, did you loose a bunch of money in the market?
No I did not. No more than any other average Joe. Everything I have is in Mutual Funds, spread around the market.
Its just that I don't want to work until I'm freakin' 75 to retire.

But don't worry everyone, investors were dumping money into the exchange snapping up companies that were likely to survive.
IT's all good now. We are back up.
Whores.
/end sarcasm

Is it me or does it look like that cops could pop a cap on some investment bankers?

Actress Rose McGowan rapped for pro-IRA comments


LONDON (Hollywood Reporter) - The producers of the IRA drama "Fifty Dead Men Walking" have taken the unusual step of distancing themselves from incendiary comments made by the film's star, Rose McGowan.
The actress caused a stir at the Toronto Film Festival last week when she said she would have joined the Irish Republican Army had she lived in Belfast during the Troubles. She said she could understand why people turned to violence during that time in Northern Ireland.
Are you serious? Okay maybe she needs a little history lesson.
This is what happens when the children of today get all their history from Hollywood.

Traditional IRA activities have included bombings, assassinations, kidnappings, punishment beatings, extortion, smuggling, and robberies. Before the cease-fire in 1997, the group had conducted bombing campaigns on various targets in Northern Ireland and Great Britain, including senior British Government officials, civilians, police, and British military targets. The group’s refusal in late 2004 to allow photographic documentation of its decommissioning process was an obstacle to progress in implementing the Belfast Agreement and stalled talks. The group previously had disposed of light, medium, and heavy weapons, ammunition, and explosives in three rounds of decommissioning. However, the IRA is believed to retain the ability to conduct paramilitary operations. The group’s extensive criminal activities reportedly provide the IRA and the political party Sinn Fein with millions of dollars each year; the IRA was implicated in two significant robberies in 2004, one involving almost $50 million.

This explains a lot


DENVER (MyFOXColorado.com) - Some members of the San Diego Padres endured a little hazing following their game against the Colorado Rockies Wednesday. It involved an interesting change in uniforms.
The Padres rookies were dressed up in "Hooters" outfits, and seen in public at the Denver ChopHouse and Brewery.
I wondered what happened to my beloved Padres this season. Dear God make it better please!

Tanning = Bad


LONDON (Reuters) - There is no such thing as a safe tan, U.S. and British researchers said on Thursday.
They said in their review of published studies that tans and skin cancer both begin with DNA damage caused by exposure to ultraviolet light but many people, especially the young, ignore or are unaware of this danger in a quest for a bronzed body.
Well that sucks.
Look good, die early. Tough choice.

I was going to run this photo with the link.

I went with the other to please my female reader and Fritz.

Do you have any idea how many other pictures I could have run....?

Hero, no matter what they give him


SAN DIEGO - A Marine sergeant singled out by President Bush for throwing his body on a grenade to save his comrades in Iraq will receive the prestigious Navy Cross rather than the nation's highest military award, military officials said.
The family of Sgt. Rafael Peralta, who was posthumously nominated for the nation's highest military honor, told the North County Times of Escondido, Calif., they were disappointed he was not receiving the Medal of Honor.
Rosa Peralta said she was informed during a meeting with Marine Corps Lt. Gen. Richard Natonski that a committee could not agree on awarding the Medal of Honor to her son, who Marine Corps officials say was first wounded by friendly fire. She said the general mentioned the friendly fire aspect as part of her son's death during the discussion.
Thank you for serving us. Thank you to your family for the great sacrafice.

Biden says McCain's economic answers go nowhere


CANTON, Ohio - Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden on Thursday called Republican John McCain's answers to the current economic crisis "the ultimate bridge to nowhere" and said that paying higher taxes would be patriotic for wealthier Americans.
Really? Nowhere?
And it is patriotic to pay MORE taxes? W.T.F.?
Seriously?

How about the head of the banking committees remarks.

Senate Majority Leader on Economic Woes: 'No One Knows What to Do'
The man in charge of the
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada), asked today what new regulatory actions Congress can take, said, bluntly, "No one knows what to do. We are in new territory here. This is a different game. We're not here playing soccer, basketball or football, this is a new game and we're going to have to figure out how to do it."
A Reid spokesman said neither Treasury Secretary Paulson nor Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke offered up any suggestions for new regulatory legislation when they met with Reid in the Capitol building Tuesday night, either.
And its important to remember that there is no congressional oversight on the string of bailouts by the Federal Reserve of AIG, the nation's largest insurance company, or the lending giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Thank you for that Congress. Good work, asshats.

From June 10, 2007 Dennis Miller...

Josh Howard...Dumbass of the Day


DALLAS -- A YouTube video from a charity flag football game in July has Dallas Mavericks forward Josh Howard embroiled in controversy yet again.
The video, from Allen Iverson's event, shows Howard, as the national anthem is being sung, saying: "'The Star-Spangled Banner' is going on. I don't celebrate this [expletive]. I'm black." Howard also makes a hard-to-hear reference to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.
Josh Howard, you are a douche bag. Giving respect to the National Anthem has nothing to do with your race. Maybe a civics class might teach you that. Maybe not, you'd have to scrape the bong residue off your brain to learn anything.
Mark Cuban says the has already dealt with this issue. I think if I were Mark I'd cut him loose and let him stay home smoke weed all day. I hope dearly that someday Josh needs some help and the only person there to help is a veteran.
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I first caught wind of this story on Red Dirt Kings my new favorite sports blog.

Motorists rude to berate new driver


My daughter Erin is 17 years old and a new driver. Yet again, she has been honked at and subjected to aggressive behaviour from another driver.
Mom upset precious snowflake gets berated for driving by the rules. If your driving is dangerous to others you deserve a berating. Try driving the speed limit on California freeways, but only try that if you are wearing body armor.

Prevent Idiocy Project


Police Arrest Man 6 Months After Drive-Off
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Despite knowing the identity of an ex-con who they said drove off without paying for 90 gallons of gasoline in April, it took police until Monday to find and arrest him.
According to the police report, Stuart Haywood, 35, of Orange Park, went to a Kangaroo store on Sportsman Club Road in northwest Jacksonville about 10:30 p.m. on April 5 to fuel his pickup truck and a large tank in the bed.
I'm not sure which one is stupider? Cops who have a guy's address and can't make an arrest for 6 months OR the idiot who used his actual ID to steal gas.
I hope this halfwit hasn't procreated yet.
Another fine example of the term my son coined when we visited Florida, after he watched how they drive, "Floridiots."

Where are the mug shots of drunk, hooker-loving McCain fans?


What, no John McCain fans ever get arrested for DUI or soliciting sex from a prostitute? For the third time in recent weeks, a Barack Obama supporter has been popped while advertising his support for the Democratic presidential candidate. According to Florida cops, Derek Lundy was nabbed over the weekend for drunk driving (his blood alcohol content measured nearly twice the state's .08 limit). As seen in the below mug shot, at the time of his arrest, the 46-year-old electrician was still wearing evidence of his political preference--an Obama "Union Voter" sticker.
If this man thinks Obama is right for America, I'm pretty sure I know whom I'm voting for.

Hump day happenings


LOS ANGELES — Megan Fox has nothing to hide. The candid 22-year-old "Transformers" star, who's currently engaged to actor Brian Austin Green, opened up to GQ about her love life, telling the magazine she was once in love with a female stripper.
Megan mentions Olivia Wilde in the article, "Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands."
Olivia Wilde, sexy? You decide.

Google yourself silly with Megan Fox.

Drinkers fall into 'nine groups'


The British government believes it has identified nine types of heavy drinker as it launches a new alcohol campaign.
  • Depressed drinker
    De-stress drinker
    Re-bonding drinker
    Conformist drinker
    Community drinker
    Boredom drinker
    Macho drinker
    Hedonistic drinker
    Border dependents

  • I try not to fall when I drink.
    At one time or other I've probably been in everyone of those groups.

    Let me guess about the drinkers in this picture....

    Hedonistic? I'm pretty sure earrings and green shirt guy are banking on hedonistic.

    Caption: What group do you fall into?

    Deadly US embassy attack in Yemen


    A car bomb and rocket attack on the US embassy in Yemen has killed at least 16 people, including civilians and Yemeni security guards, Yemen officials said.
    Deadly for Yemenies. Not deadly for the Americans stationed there.
    With video.
    If you look at their website, they didn't even notice the attack. It's not listed in Latest Embassy News.

    Italian model plans to sell virginity for 1m euros


    An Italian model who swears she has never had sex plans to sell her virginity for one million euros, or £792,000.
    Showgirl and men's magazine model Raffella Fico, 20, told an Italian magazine: "I can't wait to see who's going to pull out the money to have me."
    "She's never had a boyfriend. I swear on my mother's grave. She's a devout Catholic and prays to Padre Pio every night," her brother told the magazine.
    Shouldn't that read WAS a devout Catholic? Now that she's going to have sex before marriage she'll have to just "be a plain old every day Catholic".

    Tuesday, September 16, 2008

    I want to believe, Colbert, Oklahoma


    OKLAHOMA CITY -- Tracy Agee and her grandmother Wanda Haley recently requested the help of Oklahoma Paranormal Research and Investigations. They had been experiencing unexplainable incidents within their home in Colbert, Oklahoma. They wanted somebody to come in, validate and explain to them what was happening.
    The investigation yielded multiple forms of evidence: pictures and video of light anomalies, voices of people that were not present were recorded, one of which sounds as if an older man is pleading for the investigators not to leave. Such recordings are known as electronic voice phenomena, or EVP's.
    I'd like to believe these people are not crackpots. They present their evidence for all to hear and see.
    I've been in the presence of what I believed to be ghosts (several times) and nothing will cause your hair to stand up like that. It's not a normal experience.

    Nice discount



    Lets see if this page gets corrected.

    I screen shot it for ya none-the-less.

    Not supposed to happen


    Grief counselors are on hand for students dealing with the death of an agricultural teacher who was attacked and killed by an aggressive bull at the Tulare school district's farm over the weekend.
    The bull was taken to a stockyard Monday to be sold for slaughter.
    Bull will be used make tasty hamburgers for some one, he is no longer suitable for education purposes.

    Prevent Idiocracy Project


    An Editorial from the New Mexican
    "...it's been a long time since the editorial "we" put a chunk of responsibility where it belongs: on the kids. Yes, kids; those budding people portrayed so often as victims of this failure and that."
    30 years from now people will not be laughing so hard when we are counting on these people to lead our country and our banking institutions.


    I'm announcing a bold new initiative for more maps in American homes.

    Texans, gotta love'em


    How NOT to protect your car from a hurricane
    Uber smartness there. Is that a garden hose? I guess there isn't much call for physics instruction down there in Tejas.

    It's not so fun to be in Al-Qaida anymore


    WASHINGTON (AP) — Top U.S. counterterrorism officials Monday said al-Qaida is "imploding" and that its violent tactics have turned Muslims worldwide against the organization. "Absolutely it's imploding. It's imploding because it's not a message that resonates with a lot of Muslims," said Dell Dailey, the State Department's coordinator for counterterrorism.
    It only took 80 years to get the Irish to stop killing each other. So this is very encouraging.
    Don't worry, Hezbollah and Hamas are there to step in.

    Gotta be a Juke Box Hero


    Stupid embedded videos!!!111

    Monday, September 15, 2008

    Stocks retreat amid new Wall Street landscape


    NEW YORK - A stunning reshaping of the Wall Street landscape sent stocks down sharply Monday, but the pullback appeared relatively orderly — perhaps because investors were unsurprised by the demise of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and relieved by a takeover of Merrill Lynch & Co.
    You may have also noticed gas prices jumped 25 cents over the weekend. And oil is trading below 95 dollars.
    Things the make you go hmmmmmm.

    Richard Wright, Pink Floyd member, dead, 65, cancer


    LONDON - A Pink Floyd spokesman says founding member Richard Wright has died. He was 65.
    Wright died Monday after a battle with cancer at his home in Britain. His family did not want to give more details about his death.
    The good news is you will now get to hear Comfortably Numb every hour until Friday. The bad news is you will now get to hear Comfortably Numb every hour until Friday.

    You missed this because you've been saying for years that Saturday Night Live sucks

    Their embedded link sucks.

    I want to believe


    IT IS a close encounter of the official kind. A former RAF officer has claimed that UFOs are real and may have invaded UK airspace, branding official resistance to such theories as "stupid and arrogant".
    Wing Commander Alan Turner MBE was sworn to secrecy after he tracked a series of unidentified objects soaring over southern England at incredible speeds.
    Alan is the chap on the far right.
    Another fine example of UFOs and people who believe they've seen

    'Crazy hardhead' stays behind in Surfside


    SURFSIDE BEACH — Ray Wilkinson doesn't consider himself a hero for being the only Surfside Beach resident to ride out Hurricane Ike in his home.
    Rather, the 67-year-old Marine Corps veteran considers himself to be the only one "stupid enough" to stay behind.
    "I don't advise it unless you're nuts," he said.
    And you sir are built of harder stuff than most. We salute your hardheadedness.

    That dropping sound is not the stock market, just Ohio State



    As I predicted OHIO STATE the world's greatest football team (according to some analysts on ESPN last week) drops to 13 and 14 in the polls thanks to the USC Song Girls.
    Wisconsin is now the highest rank Big Televen team.