Friday, September 21, 2007

Jena, LA protests hark back to '50s, '60s

"I wish we had a charge in Louisiana for aggravated ignorance, because this is a classic case," Alexandria Police Sgt. Clifford Gatlin said.
Back in the day...Cliff, you'd been in your right to beat the shit out of this kid with a slapjack to get his attitude back in line.

Two arrested in noose incident near Jena, Louisiana

Casanova Love, 26, who said he's in the U.S. Navy, explained why he sent the photo to CNN: "People need to see this. It's 2007, and we still have fools acting like it's 1960."
Casonova(?) I couldn't have said that any better.

Just wait til they wake up the Black Panthers again.

Bikini Friday

Have a good weekend everyone.
Keep the comments on the stories coming. It's almost as much fun to read your comments as it is to post up the stories.

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These stripper names have got to stop.

S.C. mom scoops al-Qaida with its videos

WASHINGTON - Once her son is off to school, Laura Mansfield settles in at her dining room table with her laptop and begins trolling Arabic-language message boards and chat rooms popular with jihadists.
Occasionally she comes across a gem, such as when she found a recent Osama bin Laden video — before al-Qaida had announced it.
"I realized, oh my gosh, I'm sitting here, I'm a fat 50-year-old mom and I've managed to scoop al-Qaida," said Mansfield, who uses that name as a pseudonym because she receives death threats.
She out there fighting the good fight. Good work Laura.

She gets it down with her own website too.

McCarthy calls Carrey 'autism whisperer'

NEW YORK - Jenny McCarthy worried about finding a good man after her son, Evan, was diagnosed with autism two years ago. Then Jim Carrey came along. "Beyond doubt it was written in the stars that Jim and Evan were a pair," the 34-year-old actress tells People magazine in its Oct. 1 issue.
Jim we all envy you. And it's good to know that your a good person too.

All-digital debut for new US five-dollar bill

This image obtained from the US Treausry, shows the front (top) and reverse of the new more secure US five dollar note. The US government is redesinging the currency and adding security features in an attempt to ward off counterfeiters. The new five dollar notes will be available in 2008.
I didn't know we had such a big counterfeit problem with 5$ bills. So here's the deal. You are going to set up a counterfeit shop. You are going to produce American currency. Do you use those products to produce something that's worth 5$ or 100$?
Also on a side note in the first paragraph of this story they mispelled redesigning and Treasury

Do Not Call

WASHINGTON - The cherished dinner hour void of telemarketers could vanish next year for millions of people when phone numbers begin dropping off the national Do Not Call list.
Numbers placed on the registry, begun in June 2003, are valid for five years. For the millions of people who signed onto the list in its early days, their numbers will automatically drop off beginning next June if they do not enroll again.
Get on the list and renew at

'God' apparently responds to lawsuit

LINCOLN, Neb. - A legislator who filed a lawsuit against God has gotten something he might not have expected: a response. One of two court filings from "God" came Wednesday under otherworldly circumstances, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!" Friend said.
What an asshat. What Senator Chambers has done there will cost him reelection. You watch.

2 Students Shot at Delaware State

DOVER, Del. - Two students were shot and wounded, one seriously, at Delaware State University early Friday, and the campus was locked down as police searched for a gunman, officials said.
Classes were canceled for the day and students were being kept inside.
More as the story develops.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Pants Update: The Dry Cleaners Shuts Down

Roy Pearson, the D.C. administrative law judge whose $67 million lawsuit against his neighborhood dry cleaners turned into a worldwide lesson in how one obsessed person can hijack the American legal system, lost his case in court, but today delivered the crowning blow to the owners of Custom Cleaners:
Bowing to the emotional and financial strains of two years of litigation, Soo and Jin Chung today announced the closing of the dry cleaners that may or may not have lost a pair of Pearson's pants that he put in for a $10 alteration in 2005.
Thank you dickhead. Thank you for squashing the American Dream of hard working people everywhere. You should be flogged.

Deveil Dog extracted from his house...

LANSING, Michigan (AP) -- Firefighters cut a hole in the side of a house and used a forklift to extricate a 900-pound man from his second-floor bedroom after a visiting nurse became worried about his health.

You know Devil, I'm growing concerned of your eating habits. Seriously...
All kidding aside, what the hell, you are so fat that rescue workers have to cut a hole in the side of your house to extract you? Who the f*ck was bringing him all that food? Something is seriously wrong with this country.

Avast, how to raise your little powder monkeys like pirates

In Guide to Pirate Parenting you’ll learn:
• Ten benefits of raising a pirate
• At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener
• Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
• How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
• The best place to maroon your disobedient child

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Brought to you by Bethany, 93x Hot Chick Wench

Shiver me timbers! That's a fine wench.

Tough DUI law to begin

Hardest hit are first-time violators and a new class of "super extreme" DUI offenders whose blood-alcohol concentration registers 0.20 percent or above, which is more than double the legal limit of 0.08 percent.
Beginning Wednesday, new penalties include mandatory ignition-interlock devices for first-time offenders, increased fines and a minimum of 45 days in jail for super extreme DUI convictions.
Coming soon to a state near you.
Actually our jails brigs are so full in the Sooner State that this law would push us well over. I don't think we'll be enacting these types of measures.
Its best not to be drinkin' Lord Nelson's Blood and be behind the wheel. You could end up in Davey Jones' locker or worse yet send one of your friends to the bottom of the briny blue.

Iran to use "all means" to defend itself if attacked

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran said on Wednesday it would use "all our means" to defend itself if attacked by the West, three days after France's foreign minister publicly raised the possibility of war over Tehran's disputed nuclear activities.
Well that's good to know. Cause if they used only "half their means" and won, they'd be bad ass.
Some of the quotes from the article crack me up. Like, "we would use all our means to defend ourselves because territorial integrity is a key issue for every country,". He read that just last night in Theocratic Dictatorships for Dummies.

Iran draws up plans to bomb Israel

TEHRAN,Iran - The deputy commander of Iran's air force said Wednesday that plans have been drawn up to bomb Israel if the Jewish state attacks Iran, according to the semi-official Fars news agency.
While your at it Iran you should draw up a plan to invade America, win on American Idol and get all six numbers in the Powerball drawing for tonight. Because that's about the level of success your planes have of getting to Israel.

Police say Vietnam memorial vandalized

WASHINGTON - An oily substance found splashed on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial this month was the result of vandalism, U.S. Park Police determined.
"It's deplorable that someone would vandalize what's really a national shrine," said Jan C. Scruggs, founder and president of the Memorial Fund. "It's an outrage. It's sad."
See what you have there?
Some uncaring jackass decided to make an uninformed, "Death for Oil" statement and vandalized the VIETNAM Memorial.
How ignorant do you have to be? The Vietnam War wasn't fought for oil. It was fought to keep the world safe from communism.
This pathetic piece of shit who wasn't brave enough to pour oil on the Capitol steps, or the sidewalk in front of the White House to make their protest. And that makes them cowardly as well as pathetic and meaningless.
Because if you are going to exercise your "freedom of speech" and make a statement you should make it where other people can hear it and then they can exercise their right of free speech and disagree with you. But a pathetic piece of shit like you wouldn't know anything about that because you were probably too stupid to pay attention in Political Science class.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Talk like a Pirate Day is Tomorrow

Put a parrot on your shoulder, strap on a peg leg, hit the rum and start bellowing "Shiver me Timbers" -- Wednesday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

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NEW YORK ( -- Late summer brought no relief from soaring foreclosures. The number of homes in some stage of default jumped 36 percent month-over-month in August, according to a regular monthly survey.
Delinquencies and defaults more than doubled year over year to 243,947, according to August figures released Tuesday by RealtyTrac, a marketer of foreclosed properties. RealtyTrac's forecast is for total foreclosure filings to exceed 2 million this year.
That pop sound you just heard, wasn't Fritz pulling a bingo out of his keester, it was the housing bubble.

Pick a younger one, it's scientific

Older men who shack up with much younger women keep the grim reaper at bay for the human population and extend our species' lifespan, new research claims.
Finally some research I can get behind.

Aaargh burn the map, Ommmmmm I'm tellin' mom

"I don't know if that's something pirates do, if they burn the map after finding the treasure or something,"
Kids and fire and maps don't mix.

Do you like pina coladas?

A married couple are divorcing after they chatted each other up on the Internet using fake names.
Sana Klaric and husband Adnan poured their hearts out to each other over their marriage troubles.
Using the names 'Sweetie' and 'Prince of Joy' in a online chatroom, the pair thought they had found a soulmate with whom to spend the rest of their lives.
Awwwww, online love. It's best to meet before you commit.

You don't see that everyday

MUSKOGEE, Okla. - Sharon McConough says a zebra has been visiting her home and she has the photograph to prove it. McConough, who lives in the Ranger Creek area east of Fort Gibson Dam, said her dog starting barking and she went outside to see what was causing the disturbance. A zebra was trotting down her driveway. It was wearing a halter.
People have some seriously strange pets.

"Mr. Skin" cashes in on obsession with naked women

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Jim McBride has made it his life's work to know how much naked female flesh appears in movies -- an obsession apparently shared by millions of people.
That's a pretty funny dedication in his book.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Your Tax Dollars hard at Work.

State Senator Ernie Chambers is suing God. He says it to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.Chambers says senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He says his main objection is the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all. Chambers said, "Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody - even God."

Glad to see he is focusing his energy on things that are actually important. How the hell do these people get elected? I guess that's Nebraska for ya.

LSU fans are strange

And you thought the OU fan that castrated the Texas fan was disturbed.
Of course anytime you are demeaning cats and their I'm better than you AND your stinkin' dog attitude, it's a good time.
Thanks to WithLeather for the find.

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Aussie female officers need bigger boobies to be effective?

THE Royal Australian Navy is paying for women sailors to have breast enlargements for purely cosmetic reasons, at a cost to taxpayers of $10,000 an operation.
Defence officials claim the surgery is justified because some servicewomen need bigger breasts to address "psychological issues".
Psycological issues indeed! Apparently it's difficult to do your job as a woman without boobs. What?

Injured soldier sees his kid born, courtesy of the Taliban

LANDSTUHL, Germany — Staff Sgt. Leonard Day thought he would not get to be with his wife when she gave birth to the couple’s third child.
Day was traveling in a Humvee in eastern Afghanistan when the vehicle hit a roadside bomb. Shrapnel from the blast severely damaged his right forearm. The 27-year-old was evacuated to Landstuhl for treatment.
Just in time to see his daughter born.
How crazy is that?

France warning of war with Iran

French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner says the world should prepare for war over Iran's nuclear programme.
France? Are they just warning everyone ELSE that it might be war, or are they willing to help this time?

Jury awards family $600,000 in bias lawsuit against Denny's

A federal jury has awarded $600-thousand in damages to a family that sued the Denny's restaurant chain for racial discrimination.
Why doesn't Denny's serve people of color? Maybe it's, why does Denny's only hire people who discriminate against people of color?
You'll notice there are only white clouds in that pic.

O.J. faces felony charges in robbery

LAS VEGAS - O.J. Simpson was arrested Sunday and faces multiple felony charges in an alleged armed robbery of collectors involving the former football great's sports memorabilia, authorities said.
Alfred Beardsley, one of the sports memorabilia collectors involved in the alleged robbery, has said he wants the case dropped and that he's "on O.J.'s side."
Sorry Alfred, it doesn't work like that.