Friday, July 6, 2007

Bonds skipping Home Run Derby to rest

CINCINNATI - Barry Bonds will sit out of the Home Run Derby on Monday night, opting to rest his tired body before Tuesday night's All-Star game.
WTF, over?

Rest?
Hey you were sent to the All-Star game BY THE FANS, so you would hit in the Home-Run Derby. It certainly wasn't for your defense, or your base stealing ability, or that you might, possibly, MAYBE hit one ball over in your 2 or 3 at bats in the game.
What a jackass.
And as far as Barry needing rest...He has 70 less at bats than most of his teammates. He's already sat out 9 games this year. He's sitting more than he's standing as it is.
You turn 43 this year Barry? So do I. I've got 3 crushed discs in my back, from my days in the Marines 20-something years ago, and hard work. I helped my other 43 year old friend move into his new house this last weekend.You said it yourself, this is your last one. God forbid you might try to earn back some of the love you've wasted with your steroid abuse for the past ten years. If it's so hard to play why don't you just quit. Cry me a river you pussy.

Bikini Friday


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Girls, 10, 12, kidnap toddler

ENID, Oklahoma — A plot uncovered by police involving two girls may give new meaning to the word "kidnapping.” Police said the sisters, ages 10 and 12, sneaked into a neighbor's home under the cover of darkness about 5:30 a.m. Thursday and took the homeowner's 1-year-old son. The girls took diapers, a stroller and other baby supplies from the home and left a ransom note threatening, "if you want to see your son again then you won't call police and report him missing and you will leave $200,000 on the sofa tonight and we will return your son back safe,” police said. The note was signed, "the kidnappers.”
The parents of the alleged kidnappers should get a Parenting Award. It's safe to say that these two are going to have some interesting lives ahead of them. I'm sure neither are on the honor rolls at their Enid Elementary school. Can you imagine the conversation at a Thanksgiving dinner in the future?
"Hey sis, remember that time we kidnapped the neighbor's kid?"
"Yeah, you tried to rat me out and said it was me that kidnapped him!"
"Oh I know! Good times, good times."

Are you going to a wedding tomorrow?

Thousands of couples have booked the 7/7/07 weekend for their wedding.
Thankfully the Mrs. and I are NOT attending anyone's wedding tomorrow.
I desperately hope that Tony is happy with Eva. Good luck you crazy kids.

Dropping a dime

Do you know what the phrase, "dropping a dime" means? Did you know where that comes from? Most nearly everyone has a cellular phone, in this day and time. It won't be too much longer before you won't see phone booths.

Things have certainly changed.

The Daily Dumbass: Darwin Award Nominee

Dumbass climbs inside of a balloon.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Daily Dumb Ass

Idiot!

Da pwnage, it is great

New York took another big beating in Denver. Todd Helton and Garrett Atkins both drove in a season-high five runs and the Colorado Rockies pounded out 20 hits and routed the Mets again Wednesday night, this time 17-7 to become the first team in more than half a century to sweep two New York clubs in the same year.
Do the NY teams suck that badly or are the Rockies that good? Let's check the standings.....
Colorado, 7 games back of San Diego in the NL West and in 4th place
NY Mets, top of the NL East
NY Yankees, 12 games behind Boston and also behind the Blue Jays in the AL East

Well then I guess it's just he Yankees that suck this year. Good work Rockies. Now sweep the Diamondbacks and the Dodgers like that a couple of times and maybe we might let you have a Wild Card birth for the playoffs.

American named hot dog eating champion

NEW YORK - In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi in a record-setting yet repulsive triumph.
Mmmmm Nathan's....hotdogs....mmmmm.
Tube-steak tussle. Hehehe he said tube-steak.

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Russia wins 2012 Winter Olympics

GUATEMALA CITY - "The captain" delivered in the clutch for Russia. The personal appeal and power of Russian President Vladimir Putin swayed just enough votes among Olympic leaders Wednesday to bring his nation its first Winter Olympics — bitterly disappointing South Korea and Austria.
Good work Russia. Congratulations on winning the Olympics and getting the pleasure of spending hundreds of millions of dollars on upgrading your facilities, providing security for hundreds of athletes, and the privilege of having your own judges screw every competitor except your own.

Al Gore, III arrested in San Diego

LAGUNA NIGUEL, Calif. - Al Gore's son was arrested early Wednesday on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs after deputies pulled him over for speeding, authorities said. Al Gore III, 24, was driving a blue Toyota Prius about 100 mph on the San Diego Freeway when he was pulled over at about 2:15 a.m., Sheriff's Department spokesman Jim Amormino said.
That's an impressive list of pharmaceuticals. But the big news on this story is a freakin' Prius will do 100mph? How big is the carbon footprint of a Prius going 100mph?

Unexpected gold medal propels Aurora brewery to expansion plans

AURORA - Six months after opening a tiny brewery in the rear of an unremarkable strip mall here, Kevin DeLange pulled off a stunning upset in the beer world.
DeLange's Dry Dock Brewing Co. won top honors in the "special bitter or best bitter" category at the 2006 World Beer Cup, held in Seattle in April.
"My first reaction was: "Who stole our name!" DeLange recalled. "It was a huge shock."
That's pretty funny. Good work dude.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Ex-Hollywood madam plans brothel for women

LAS VEGAS - Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss is diversifying, airing her Dirty Laundry in Nevada as she makes plans for a legal brothel for women. Dirty Laundry is a 24-hour, coin-operated laundry — 13 washers and 14 dryers — the one-time leader of a high-priced ring of call girls to the stars is opening at a shopping center in Pahrump, west of Las Vegas.
Chicks pay men? Good luck with that Heidi.

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Hot for Teacher, Kansas Style

By Lisa Horn
A former Lawrence High School teacher pleaded guilty Monday to one count of aggravated indecent liberties with a student in Douglas County District Court. Meredith Kane, 24, who was in her first year of teaching at LHS, was arrested March 16 for having sexual relations with the 15-year-old boy.
I'm coming to believe that there are possibly things in this world I may never understand.

It's good to know the king

By MATT APUZZO
WASHINGTON - Just when things looked darkest for I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, when prison seemed all but certain, President Bush wiped away the former White House aide's 2 1/2-year sentence in the CIA leak case.
It's good to be the king. And it's good to be the king's buddy. I think we all expected this. So it's no surprise. I didn't say it was right or wrong, but it's no surprise. And before you start chunking nasty comments about who gets pardons, check out the list of President Clinton's pardons from January 2001. Cocaine importation, tax evasion, bank fraud, shooting bald eagles, armed bank robbery, just to name a few. You can read about lots of pardons on this site, http://jurist.law.pitt.edu/pardons.htm

Tiara, no helmet, for Miss Utah

Sgt. Jill Stevens has a new assignment: Miss Utah.
Stevens, a medic in the Utah National Guard who spent 18 months in Afghanistan, was crowned Saturday night at the Capitol Theatre and will represent the state at the Miss America pageant.

There are more pics of her on her MySpace. And this one from the website.
Like someone commented on Fark.com, "I bet she'd be a lot of fun to hang out with."
Congrats Jill and thank you for serving our great country.

Where's your God now?

By AIJAZ HUSSAIN
A naturally formed stalagmite in a Kashmiri mountain shrine has melted away, officials said Monday, blaming body heat from the hundreds of thousands of Hindu pilgrims who visit each year.
That kinda sucks for them.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Chinese Army to get new uniforms


Obviously this hasn't been a priority until now.

BEIJING (Reuters) - Troops of the People's Liberation Army are to become chic symbols of national pride and sophistication -- so says the commander who oversaw the latest uniform upgrade.
I personally would like to welcome our new fashionable overlords.
And in the spirit of all the great inappropriate comments.

The Daily Dumb Ass

Learn to jump Bwahahaaaa
Bonus movie trailer on the video, looks like a good movie too.

Follow up Benoit Story: Benoit doctor charged in drug probe

By HARRY R. WEBER
ATLANTA - The personal doctor of pro wrestler Chris Benoit was charged Monday with improperly dispensing painkillers and other drugs. The seven-count indictment said Dr. Phil Astin dispensed drugs including Percocet, Xanax, Lorcet and Vicoprofen between April 2004 and September 2005.
Finally a doctor being held accountable for his poor actions.

Out of hiding

By Claudia Parsons
NEW YORK (Reuters) - British author Salman Rushdie and his wife Padma Lakshmi, host of TV show "Top Chef," are getting divorced, his spokeswoman said on Monday, just two weeks after he was awarded a controversial knighthood.
Now we know why he was in hiding all those years. She's smokin' hot and can cook.

Kwik-E-Mart

DALLAS - Over the weekend, 7-Eleven Inc. turned a dozen stores into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience stores of "The Simpsons" fame, in the latest example of marketers making life imitate art.

It's a Squishee machine!!!111
Those stores and most of the 6,000-plus other 7-Elevens in North America will sell items that until now existed only on television: Buzz Cola, KrustyO's cereal and Squishees, the slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees.
If only we could have bought Duff beer.
Stand by for the Anti-Asian Defamation League complaints. Even though according to one 7-Eleven franchisee,
"I know it's a stereotype, but it doesn't bother me. Everybody knows it's a joke," Kumar Assandas, a 28-year-old franchisee said. "I'm a big Simpsons fan myself, and maybe subconsciously it even inspired me to become a 7-Eleven owner."

Kerr ends major drought

By JOEDY McCREARY
SOUTHERN PINES, N.C. - Cristie Kerr can finally relax. She isn't 0-for-the-majors anymore. Kerr shook off 12 years' worth of frustration in consistent, cool fashion. During their compelling duel along the back nine of Pine Needles, she stared down the world's No. 1 player and forced her into a series of mistakes that resulted in a two-stroke victory Sunday and Kerr's first U.S. Women's Open championship.
This is a nice story about Cristie.
Cristie Kerr the golfer who is responsible for giving us one of the most enduring images in sports internet blogging has finally won a major.
Good work Cristie.

Baseball All-Stars named

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds will be in the National League starting lineup when the 78th All-Star Game is played in San Francisco on July 10, Major League Baseball announced on Sunday.
This is his swan song, his World Series. Cause he will never play in one. It the locker room he said this would likely be his last All-Star game.
Ken Griffey, Jr. was the top National League vote-getter among fans, receiving 2,986,818.
Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees was the top AL vote getter with 3,890,515 votes. AL roster and Rodriguez story.

MLB Management changes

Cincinnati Reds skipper Jerry Narron is fired Sunday night.
Mike Hargrove, Seattle Mariners manager abruptly quit. Citing an inability to muster the daily dedication he has demanded from players for his 15 1/2 seasons as a major league manager.
It was an unexpected resignation. The ownership was stunned.

Bush, Putin far apart on policy

By DEB RIECHMANN
KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine - U.S. relations with Russia are on simmer, so President Bush's meeting Monday with Russian President Vladimir Putin will be judged on how respectfully the two leaders agree to disagree. They have different views on democracy and missile defense, NATO expansion into Russia's backyard and independence for Kosovo. They both want to stymie Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions, but they don't see eye-to-eye on whether Iranian missiles currently pose a threat.
This is a much better way to deal with our differences. The Cold War has been over for nearly 20 years, and talking before doing feels pretty good.

Terror plot foiled in England and Scotland, probe widens

By ROB HARRIS
GLASGOW, Scotland - Police said Monday they had arrested two more men as suspects in the car bomb attack on Glasgow airport as details emerged that authorities had been close on the trail of the suspects, one of whom may have been a local doctor.
British police were sifting through large amounts of evidence from the vehicles and from video surveillance of the scenes where two car bombs failed to explode in central London on Friday and two men rammed a Jeep Cherokee into the Glasgow airport's entrance the following day.
Police have arrested five other suspects while conducting raids across a country on its highest level of alert and are searching for others. None of them have been identified, but British officials have said they are hunting for what they called an al-Qaida-linked network behind the three attempted terrorist attacks.
Good work boys. How can anyone say these people aren't still a threat? Think about how many attacks our people have prevented that we never heard about.

Man survives after nearly being sucked out of plane

By Kaycee Murray
MERIDIAN - The Federal Aviation Administration can name only one other instance when a window in a plane broke during flight. “I do have a real vivid memory of myself with my head down to my chest rocking pretty hard. I could see the tail of the plane and the headset that I was wearing was whacking the side of the plane,” said Chris Fogg, who works as a flight nurse for his family's company, Ada-Boi, an air ambulance service. Wow. That sucks (long pause, wait for groan)... Okay, I thought Mythbusters said you couldn't be sucked out? Now I'm confused. Maybe our resident Marine Air Pilot will let us know the scoop.
That's a surprisingly high number of dog pictures for the google search Kaycee Murray.

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It's finally stopped raining here. We had another 4 inches on Friday. But no measurable rain on Saturday or Sunday. That ended a record 17 days with measurable rain in Oklahoma. Clouds are still with us and there are scattered showers expected today with a chance of a clear off.

NZ soldier awarded highest honour

A NEW Zealand soldier has become the first person since World War II to be awarded the country's highest honour for bravery, after a daring rescue of a wounded comrade in Afghanistan in 2004. Corporal Bill Apiata of the New Zealand Special Air Service (SAS) was given the Victoria Cross for New Zealand. Prime Minister Helen Clark said Cpl Apiata, 35, was awarded the medal for carrying a severely wounded soldier across open ground while coming under heavy fire.
"I was only doing my job." That's frickin awesome. You sir are a badass.

Get caught cheatin' in Wisconsin? That's a stabbin' with a butter knife


July 1, 2007 (GREEN BAY, Wis.) - An 18-year-old woman is scheduled to appear in court Friday on charges that she stabbed her ex-boyfriend in the nose and chest with a butter knife.
A felony count of mayhem against Megan Harrison of Neenah was modified to include a charge of domestic abuse as a repeat offender. The mayhem charge carries a maximum penalty of 40 years in prison and a 100-thousand-dollar fine.
If I'm gonna get a felony I think Mayhem is the one I want. It's much more friendly sounding, not like that Felony Attempted Murder. But then again, who ever said, "I'm gonna kill you with a rusty butter knife!" and meant it?