The Smartest and the Dumbest Dogs

We all love our dogs, and most of us believe our own dog must be the smartest ever.
PetMedsOnline has a compiled list of the 10 smartest and 10 dumbest. It's totally un-scientific.

Dumbest first.
10. Basset Hound
9. Beagle
8. Mastiff
7. Pekingese
6. Bloodhound
5. Borzoi
4. Chow Chow
3. Bulldog
2. Basenji
1. Afghan Hound

I love how the writer goes to some effort to "say something nice" about each breed and then leaves you hanging when the deficit is expected.
I will re-write the Beagle entry for you because my oldest daughter has two of them. And when they had to live with us for 2 months while their house was finished I got to experience the true Beagle.

9. Beagle
If it weren't for cows and horses the Beagle would quite possibly be the dumbest animal on the planet. Do-Do birds were wiped out by man due to their shear stupidity. If it were not for this bird we might actual have such great insults as, "you are such a Beagle", "you fucking Beagle", and "hey Beagle, pull your head out of your ass". While Beagles are loveable it's only due to the human instinct to love animals and sometimes people you feel sorry for. Beagles respond favorably to electric shock to correct bad behavior like digging under fences and destroying lawn furniture.

And now on to the Smartest Dogs.
Please remember this is their list and not mine.

10. Austrailian Cattle Dog
9. Rottweiler
8. Papillon
7. Labrador Retriever
6. Shetland Sheepdog
5. Doberman Pinscher
4. Golden Retiever
3. German Shepards
2. Poodle
1. Border Collie

After reading this list some of the entries shouldn't surprise you. Labs and Goldies are notoriously smart animals. You've seen them in many, many movies, mostly because they actually understand the English language better than that guy at the counter of the Happy Family Chinese restaurant that makes the killer Kung Pao Chicken you like. The Border Collie is the most likeable of the smart dogs. Mostly because they remind you of your brother's kids, but only smarter. You won't see them playing in the mud and eating it.

My best friend's dad had a Austrailian Cattle Dog. Super smart. That dog could probably have inoculated the cattle for him if he had had an opposable thumb to squeeze the syringe. He once told him to "stay in the truck" after he got it stuck on the back 90 down by the river. Nefarious people who would 4x4 at the river would strip trucks that were left on or near the river. When he got back to the truck 2 days later, there was that dog, right there in the back of his totally intact pick up truck.

I've owned a German Shepard. Zep, named by my brother for of course Led Zepplin. As a puppy it followed him home one day when he was walking home from work I'm really not sure why he was walking. Anyway Zep had about a 300 word vocabulary. We actually had to spell words around her so she would know what we were talking about. And that didn't always work cause she would figure out what we were talking about anyway. Case in point was my daily routine to retrieve the mail. I would ask if anyone had picked up the mail yet. And after a few times of asking her if she wanted to go get it with me. Yeah, I asked her just like that. She would run to the door and wait to go. So on the days when I didn't need to pick up the mail cause my wife or kids did it for me. I would say, did anyone pick up the m-a-i-l? She learned that phrase meant mailbox trip. She also knew when we would spell out the word c-o-o-k-i-e that she was getting a treat. It was creepy how she would stare at us when we talked, almost like she was listening and working out the meaning of the conversation in her head. It was insane how much English she knew.

She was a great dog but had a lot of trouble with loud noises like thunderstorms and fireworks. It would drive her insane and she would destroy the room she was in to get outside. This drove her to get out of the yard one day and hit by a car. I miss her.

Share some stories about your dogs in the comments. Have a good weekend.

Bikini Friday

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Have a great weekend everyone.

Blue Jays' Thomas reaches 500th HR mark

Frank Thomas hit one out of the park for the 500th time lst night. Eight innings later, he was sent out of the park himself for arguing balls and strikes in the 9th.
"I'm probably the first to get 500 home runs and get thrown out of the ballgame," said Thomas, who also had a run-scoring double and tied his season high with four RBIs. "That's something I didn't want to happen, but the moment just got the best of me."
Good work Frank.

The NBA Draft

NEW YORK -- The Portland Trail Blazers got Greg Oden and felt like they won a championship.
Seattle SuperSonics settled for Kevin Durant -- but their night wasn't quite the celebration.
Settled? wow.
Greg hasn't gotten his "cool" on yet in this pic. I'm sure he'll turn the attitude up to eleven pretty soon.
It's okay Kevin is going to love playing in OKC....ooops did I say something I wasn't supposed to?

HOUSTON - Craig Biggio joined the 3,000 hit club last night. Biggio's milestone came one day shy of the 19th anniversary of his first career hit, a single off Orel Hershiser on June 29, 1988.
Well deserved attention for a great guy.
On another note. If you want to read a very poorly written news story about this event check out this from KRISTIE RIEKEN.
W.T.H Kristie? What does Frankie Velasquez have to do with the hit? And lets just clutter up the article with some really poorly placed names and details from other games.

By GRANT SLATER
MURPHY, Texas - A sting in which police teamed up with "Dateline NBC" to catch online pedophiles was supposed to send a flinty-eyed, Texas-style warning about this Dallas suburb: Don't mess with Murphy. Instead, it has turned into a fiasco. One of the 25 men caught in the sting — a prosecutor from a neighboring county — committed suicide when police came to arrest him. The Murphy city manager who approved the operation lost his job in the ensuing furor.
"Certainly these people should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, but the fact that this was all done for television cameras raises some questions," said Mayor Bret Baldwin.
What a mess. So they caught some big fish in their nets and the DA didn't go forward. I'm guessing in the future they will let the cops do their jobs and film THEM doing it.

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It's freakin' raining again here in Central Oklahoma. What the hell?

Dog cancer vaccine could help humans

NATIONAL (NBC) - Cancer not only affects humans, it also affects man's best friend. It has shown to be the number one killer of dogs. Veterinarians are now testing a new cancer vaccine for dogs, and if successful it may eventually help humans battle the disease.
Maybe someday cancer won't be the killer it is today. My boss's brother died yesterday from brain cancer.

Potential cure for HIV discovered

by Mira Oberman
CHICAGO (AFP) - In a breakthrough that could potentially lead to a cure for HIV infection, scientists have discovered a way to remove the virus from infected cells, a study released Thursday said. The scientists engineered an enzyme which attacks the DNA of the HIV virus and cuts it out of the infected cell, according to the study published in Science magazine.
I wonder what else we can engineer enzymes to remove from cells? This is really big news.

House members seek $4,400 pay raise

WASHINGTON - Despite low approval ratings and hard feelings from last year's elections, Democrats and Republicans in the House are reaching out for an approximately $4,400 pay raise that would increase their salaries to almost $170,000.
The annual vote on the pay hike comes on an obscure procedural move — instead of a direct up-or-down vote — and Democratic and GOP leaders each delivered a majority of their members to shut off the move to block the pay hike.
I wish I could vote to give my self more money. What's up boys? Is the price of gas at the pump finally getting to you?
Most members support the pay raise as a means of retaining experienced lawmakers and of making sure that Congress is not simply dominated by wealthy people. Many lawmakers maintain homes both in the expensive Washington housing market and back in their districts. On most days, they meet with lobbyists making far more than they do.
Really? you think 4400$ will keep a lawmaker from changing jobs? Not dominated by wealthy people? Are they kidding? And most days they meet with lobbyists making far more than them? So what!!! Are they embarrassed that the scumbag lobbyists are wearing 3000$ suits and the Congresspeople can only afford 1000$ suits? Seriously? This shit just boggles my mind. Are they seriously trying to get sympathy for a congressman?
Caption for the above photo of Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., left, and Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C.:
"That was slick...do you think the American public will buy it?"

Oh Dear Lord

LONDON (Reuters) - The Spice Girls are to make an announcement about their future plans next week, sparking speculation that one of the world's most successful girl bands is set to reunite for a new album and concert tour.
What.The.Hell?
At least it gives us a God Bless America moment.

Retired Marine Kills 1, Wounds Another, Police Say

PLANTATION, Fla. -- A retired United States Marine disrupted a robbery in progress when he shot two men who attempted to rob a Subway sandwich shop, fatally wounding one of them, police said. According to Plantation police, two armed men barged into the Subway at 1949 Pine Island Rd. shortly after 11 p.m. Wednesday, demanding money from the employee behind the counter. When they tried to force John Lovell into the bathroom, he pulled out a gun and shot both men, police said.
Oooorah! Way to go. Point a gun at an armed retired Marine with a conceal and carry license...expect to be shot at.

Romney's Cruel Canine Vacation

The incident: dog excrement found on the roof and windows of the Romney station wagon. How it got there: Romney strapped a dog carrier — with the family dog Seamus, an Irish Setter, in it — to the roof of the family station wagon for a twelve hour drive from Boston to Ontario, which the family apparently completed, despite Seamus's rather visceral protest.
Start your tally now. Is this the type of guy you want as president?
My dogs ride in the car with me.

Rich people, getting richer

NEW YORK - Suppose all of the world's wealthiest people got together and pooled their assets into one lump sum. How much money would that be? According to a report released Wednesday, the combined wealth of the globe's richest individuals rose more than 11 percent to a grand total of $37.2 trillion last year.
Enjoy your soup, or your last night's dinner again for lunch today. I'm not about eating the rich, but damn. Picture is titled, "How to spot a rich guy".

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Follow-up: Roids alter your judgement

Pro wrestler Chris Benoit apparently was pumping human-growth hormone into his 7-year-old son in the weeks before he killed his wife, the boy and himself at their suburban Atlanta home while consumed by "roid rage," a prosecutor said yesterday.
I mentioned this to my good friend =HPSF=Jarhead just yesterday. I told him steroids were involved. Sadly I was right. Why can't we just ban the sale and production of these drugs? Probably because it wouldn't stop people from using them.

The Daily Dumb Ass: Spoiled Little Bitch

This is what is wrong with the youth of today. Return that car and make her get her own job and buy her own damn car. You chick are a spoiled little bitch! Congratulations on your achievement of Daily Dumbass!

Hotdog Champion Seriously Injured

The world's most famous competitive eater finally bit off more than he could chew.

Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi, who has won six straight Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contests, suffered a serious jaw injury while training for the July 4 event, according to Agence France-Presse.

The Japanese eating legend was diagnosed with jaw arthritis and can barely open his mouth. In an entry on his blog entitled "Occupational hazard,'' Kobayashi said: "My jaw refused to fight any more.''

It still amazes me that someone so skinny can eat so many hotdogs. Guess fame has it's price.

Roids Make you Kill

FAYETTEVILLE, Ga. (AP) -- Two days before he and his family were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide, pro wrestler Chris Benoit told co-workers his wife and son had food poisoning and were throwing up, according to World Wrestling Entertainment.
WTF is wrong with all these entertainers and athletes? If you want to die, just kill your self and leave your family the F**K alone! 7 years old, just sad.

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - A woman was arrested Tuesday after her husband woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible headache and later learned he had a bullet lodged in his head. Michael Eugene Moylan, 45, woke up at 4:30 a.m. and thought he had suffered an aneurism or that his wife had elbowed him in his sleep, authorities said.
"How can this guy be shot, not know that he was shot in bed and then walk into a hospital room. It was just amazing to all of us," Mascara said.
Oh yeah she elbowed you alright. Probably cause she was pissed that the gun she just fired at YOUR HEAD didn't kill you. You must ask yourself something now Michael, what did you do to piss her off?

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They are medically enhanced but they look pretty good.

Storms force rescues in Oklahoma, Texas

By MURRAY EVANS
OKLAHOMA CITY - Residents in parts of Texas and Oklahoma braced for more storms Wednesday, a day after heavy flooding led to the dramatic rescue of stranded motorists and the death of a teenager in Texas. The Oklahoma City area received about an inch of rain in 24 hours, bringing the city's annual total to 28.03 inches — about 10 inches above normal. The downpour was expected to continue Wednesday, according to the National Weather Service.
Let's see. Mercedes? check. Rich kids? Hmmm Ski Island residents. check. Clueless and ignored driver's education and the signs posted saying Road Closed? check. Making national news, for being stupid? check. Video goodness from local news crew in link? check. What's even better is this area floods EVERY TIME it rains so they've seen it before AND still decided to drive across there. Just so you all get the the jist of the rain we have been getting. Lake Thunderbird last year was at it's lowest level since they began filling it in the 1950s. It is now full and they are dumping over the damn. Makes me wish I'd gone ahead and planted the pumpkin seeds instead of waiting.

72-year-old man fights off pickpocket

ALPINE TOWNSHIP -- A 72-year-old ex-Marine Bill Barnes, 72, of Walker, Michigan fought off a man who tried to steal money out of his pocket. The customer, who says he had done some boxing in his youth, grabbed the suspect and punched him twice in the head. While holding the suspect in a headlock, the store clerk jumped over the counter and helped the customer until police arrived. "I guess he thought I was an easy mark," Barnes, 72, told The Grand Rapids Press for a story Tuesday.
He's anything but an easy mark: Barnes served in the Marines, was an accomplished Golden Gloves boxer and retired after 20 years as an iron worker.
Pwnd by a 72 year old former Marine. Let this be a lesson to you whippersnappers out there. Some day you may try to rob the wrong guy. And he won't just be a former boxer/Marine, he may be a pistol champion on the way to a match. Then where will you be?

CIA tried to get Mafia to kill Castro: documents

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The CIA worked with two of the country's most-wanted criminals in a botched "gangster-type" attempt to assassinate Cuban President Fidel Castro in the early 1960s, according to documents released by the CIA on Tuesday.
I've lost all my animosity for the Cuban dictator. The US has carried a pretty big grudge against him for a great many years. I'm pretty sure big business is just licking it's chops to get back into Cuba. And in my lifetime I believe we will see it.

Venezuela buys submarines from Russia

MOSCOW, June 14 (UPI) — In a deal valued at more than $1 billion, Venezuela is expected to purchase five submarines from Russia, RIA Novosti reported Thursday.

CARACAS (AFP) - President Hugo Chavez on Saturday defiantly insisted that any purchases of Russian submarines or an air defense system from Belarus were none of the United States' business, but Venezuela's alone.
Why do we continue to buy crude and natural gas from this jackass? Why don't we pull the plug on him. We buy 60% of his oil. If we stopped buying it, he'd go away. And he certainly wouldn't have the money to buy 1 billion dollars worth of subs. Next he'll be taking pot shots at our surface ships, mark my words.

Corrections officer killed at campus medical center

A Utah Department of Corrections officer was shot and killed today during a brazen escape by a white supremacist prisoner. Authorities said Stephen Anderson, 60, of Bluffdale, was killed inside a medical exam room at University Hospital's Orthopaedic clinic with Curtis Allgier, an inmate with a history of burglary, forgery and weapons violations. "In the exam room, something happened," said University of Utah Police Chief Scott Folsom. "We presume an altercation. There was signs of a struggle in the room." Folsom said it appears Allgier took the officer's gun and fired "at least one shot," hitting Anderson in the head. From there, police said Allgier, 28, fled out the front doors with a gun in his hand, where he stopped an SUV at the intersections of Wasatch Drive, Foothill Drive and Wakara Way, and forced the two people inside the vehicle out onto the street.
So who was the rocket scientist that let a single guard, who happened to be 60 years old, guard a dangerous convict like this?
You may remember him from his previous appearance on The Smoking Gun. He's actually done us all a favor, he's committed murder and now we can convict him and exterminate him.

Rejoice! Rosie says she won't replace Bob Barker

NEW YORK - Rosie O'Donnell says she's out of the running to replace Bob Barker as host of "The Price Is Right." O'Donnell, a superfan of the CBS game show, said on her blog Friday that she had a "nice lunch" with the show's producers.
Behold the power of the pen. If you write the producers of a show and voice your opinion sometimes you get what you want. Yes, I sent a letter asking them to NOT hire Rosie. She's saying on her website that she didn't want the job, and she doesn't need the money. Good thing cause THEY didn't want to hire you either.

Iwo Jima flag raiser Lindberg dies at 86

By CHRIS WILLIAMS
RICHFIELD, Minn. - Charles W. Lindberg, one of the U.S. Marines who raised the first American flag over Iwo Jima during World War II, has died. He was 86.
In the late morning of Feb. 23, 1945, Lindberg fired his flame-thrower into enemy pillboxes at the base of Mount Suribachi and then joined five other Marines fighting their way to the top. He was awarded the Silver Star for bravery.
"Down below, the troops started to cheer, the ship's whistles went off, it was just something that you would never forget," he said. "It didn't last too long, because the enemy started coming out of the caves."
Thank you sir. You have given us the most memorable moment in Marine Corps history. Your service to this country will never be forgotten.

Police Chase Crop Cirle

It may look like the latest aliens to land on our planet have been drinking and driving, but these bizarre patterns, discovered in a corn field in Holland, have a much more mundane explanation. They were made by a drug user who was attempting to escape from police in his father's car. The man had been using cocaine.
Man that looks like fun. I wonder what the front of the cars look like?

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Is that a Broncos jersey, or at least what's left of one?

The Daily Dumb Ass

Crack is Wack!

Dry cleaner wins in missing-pants case

By LUBNA TAKRURI
WASHINGTON - A judge on Monday ruled in favor of a dry cleaner that was sued for $54 million over a missing pair of pants in a case that garnered international attention and renewed calls for litigation reform. District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled that the Korean immigrant owners of Custom Cleaners did not violate the city's Consumer Protection Act by failing to live up to Roy L. Pearson's expectations of the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign that was once placed in the store window.
Roy L. Pearson, Jr. should now be DISBARRED. If you want to fuck around with the Judicial System do it in a mock court. Pain and suffering for loosing a pair of pants? You sir are a dumbass.

Ken Griffey Jr. now in 7th place for dingers

By GREGG BELL
Ken Griffey, Jr. hit two home runs to pass Mark McGwire for seventh place on the career list.
Definately an athlete I can support. Good job Ken. You're getting to the end of your career, ever thought of playing for the Padres?

USA wins CONCACAF Gold Cup over Mexico

By NANCY ARMOUR
CHICAGO - In the unfamiliar spot of playing from behind, U.S. coach Bob Bradley told his players at halftime they were going to have to win a little differently. Same game plan, different game plan. When it comes to playing Mexico lately, it doesn't seem to matter.
US wins 2-1 with one of the best goals I've ever seen.
And did they shake hands after the match? Nope. No handshake for jooooo.
Okay, now get back to your respective clubs so your MLS clubs can start playing better games.

Are we really going to do this?

GILBERT, Ariz. - Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson was pulled over for speeding in Arizona early Friday and police said they drew blood from the NFL player to determine whether he was drunk.
Okay this is bullshit. I think the media should step back and police itself. We can only report on an athlete if they are involved in a felony. This reporting on every little ticket someone gets is ridiculous.

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